I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
