Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
