You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
