Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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