I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize