Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
