if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
