i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
