New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize