pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
