? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
