I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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