glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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