If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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