Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
