ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
