the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He passed out mid-signature
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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