Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
