And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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