After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
