am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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