**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
