I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
