Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
