I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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