im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
