I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Congratulations! We have a period
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
