i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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