So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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