woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
