i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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