I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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