the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
