i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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