this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
