You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize