Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
