I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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