so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
