All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
