He uses pillows to masturbate.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
