Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
