SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
