just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
