Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
