Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
