Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
