38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize