i think my mom watched the whole time
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
