im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
