Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize