how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
