If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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