We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
