Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
