He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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