I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
