you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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