Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
