I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
