Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
