She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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