I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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