I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
