I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
