I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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