I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
