Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
