i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
