I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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