On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
