just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
