The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
