We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Success! We fucked roommates!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
