I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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